• Safa Shooshtry

The Armchair Quarterback Volume 60: Steps to Open Stadiums for the NFL

Image Credit: 49ers

COVID-19 has gotten all of us in our feelings. We’ve gotten to the point of the quarantine where we are missing sports like Drake misses every girl in all of his songs. California Governor Gavin Newsom recently said that he thought we could see pro sports resume in the state of California as early as June. Among other restrictions, that plan involves games being played without fans attending live.

It’s going to take a while before live sporting events can be well, live sporting events again. Of all the pro sports leagues in the USA, the return for the NFL will likely be most difficult one to orchestrate, due to the high volume of participants involved from each side for games.

What are some extra precautions that the league can take to allow fans back into stadiums when the time is right?

Packaged Tight Packaged Right

Transmission of the virus can happen very easily with food preparation and consumption. But if there are going to be fans in the stadium there needs to be concessions. The games can’t just not have food, but there has to be extra precaution.

Preparing the food while in real time would be too risky even with gloves and masks. And prepackaged food that comes from a wholesale retail chain would just be boring.

There is only one alternative. ASTRONAUT FOOD! Yes, nachos and cheese made for zero gravity. Yes, dehydrated jumbo fries. And yes, vacuum sealed powder packs for your beverages (just bring your own water).

Cool Cat with the HAZMAT

One of the regulations that will possibly be imposed before fans are let back in stadiums is to only pack them somewhere around 30 to 40 percent less than capacity on game days. How will the fans that do attend be protected, though?

Gloves, masks, and social distancing just aren’t going to cut it. There will need to be something else. Thus, the only way around this is to require fans to wear HAZMAT suits. Don’t just stop there; the stadium should provide sterilized HAZMAT suits donning the colors of the home team.

If away fans want to wear their team’s colors, they better bring their own suits. A third option should include generic colored HAZMAT suits being available. However, they should be extra uncomfortable to discourage that lame copout behavior.

Social Distancing Enforced

A big problem that has been going on during this quarantine is with folks not social distancing. People have been having a hard keeping the six feet of distance with others. In opening stadiums this would somehow have to be guaranteed.

The solution here is rubber pool floaties that go around your waist and have a radius of three feet. That way at least six feet of distance is created automatically between two people. Some restaurants that have opened back up recently have caught onto this idea and have employed it in some fashion.

Again, this is a great opportunity for some branding. Home team designs on the floaties that are distributed along with the HAZMAT suits, and to be put on immediately as fans enter the stadium. Away fans are encouraged to bring their own floaties to represent, but if they don’t then it’s either home team colors or a turd brown floatie for them. Visitor’s choice!

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