The Armchair Quarterback Volume 57: So You've Been Drafted By the 49ers

April 27, 2020

 

  Image Credit: Andrew Giesemann

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Int. Draft War Room - Day

 

 

As the camera fades in JOHN LYNCH is seen taking his seat in his home draft war room with the multiple monitors. He turns on the computer and logs into a video chat. As his new window opens, a young man is seen looking back at him on the screen.

 

 

JOHN LYNCH

Javon, how are you doing?

 

JAVON KINLAW

I’m great, Mr. Lynch. How are you?

 

JOHN LYNCH

Please call me John.

 

JAVON KINLAW

Thank you, John. I’m very excited to be a part of the 49ers organization. It’s been a dream of mine to play in this league and now I’ve achieved that.

 

JOHN LYNCH

Well, we are happy to have you here. But it’s time to get to work as you know you have big shoes to fill with DeForest Buckner gone. Like literally… that guy had ENORMOUS feet!

 

JAVON KINLAW

Absolutely. I’m ready to put in the work and help this team get back to another Super Bowl.

 

JOHN LYNCH

That’s what we want to hear, but first things first. We need to get your paperwork filled out. Here is a packet I need you to complete, sign, and get back to me.

 

JAVON KINLAW

Sure, so how are we going to do this?

 

JOHN LYNCH

Well, if you could stop by my offi- … oh yeah…

 

JAVON KINLAW

That might be a problem sir, I’m still in South Carolina.

 

JOHN LYNCH

Okay, okay, this is not a big deal. I have a scanner. I’m going to scan this paperwork and e-mail it to you. Then you print the forms, complete them, and e-mail them back to me.

 

JAVON KINLAW

Uhh, Mr. Lynch I…

 

JOHN LYNCH

John.

 

JAVON KINLAW

Well, John, I don’t have a scanner or printer in my home…

 

JOHN LYNCH

Wait, what? I thought everyone had those in their homes.

 

JAVON KINLAW

Not really anymore. Most things can be taken care of electronically without the need for paper.

 

JOHN LYNCH

Wait. So you’re telling me paperwork can be completed electronically?

 

JAVON KINLAW

Yes, sir. Electronic signatures are a thing.

 

JOHN LYNCH

You mean to tell me that I could send these forms to you, then you could complete AND sign them, and then send them back to me, all electronically?

 

JAVON KINLAW

That would be correct.

 

JOHN LYNCH

Why didn’t my assistant ever mention this to me? What are you going to tell me next, that you can send money to someone from your phone with one touch of the screen?

 

JAVON KINLAW

There are actually multiple apps that can…

 

JOHN LYNCH

Never mind. Okay, I still have the NFL I.T. guy from the draft on speed dial let me call him and we’ll get this electronic signature thing figured out. Hang tight, Javon. I’ll call you back.

 

 

JOHN LYNCH logs off the video chat. Fade to black.

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