The Armchair Quarterback Volume 56: Draft Day Screennames

Image Credit: Andrew Giesemann

It’s a strange time we are currently living in. With the COVID-19 pandemic going on, all sports have been cancelled, and a massive amount of people are working from home. Video conferencing has become the go-to method of communication for many while they are quarantining.

The NFL is no different and plans to host their draft as scheduled, but via video conferencing. Therefore, the general managers around the league will have to login to the video conference from their own homes. This leaves a lot to the imagination of how things will ultimately be conducted. What will go wrong? What will they have fun with?

Now millennials will remember AIM from their youth. The instant messaging service from AOL allowed users to login and chat with one another behind their chosen screennames (I feel so old explaining this). And let’s be honest screennames were an extension of one’s self. If NFL GMs were required to make screen names, what madness might ensue? Here we take a look at some possible screennames that might pop up during digital draft day.


John Elway - Denver Broncos

“ThreeTimeChamp7” would be an all-inclusive screenname for John Elway. He was once the franchise quarterback for the Denver Broncos wearing the number seven. These days he is the general manager of those same Broncos. And between those two roles, he was a part of all three of the franchise’s Super Bowls titles, two as a player and one as an executive. He will want everyone to know that he is a “threetime champ,” as chances are he was not too thrilled with his team’s mediocre 7-9 finish last season.


Jerry Jones - Dallas Cowboys

Needless to say, Jerry Jones, the owner and general manager of the Dallas Cowboys will have some issues with technology. The text he will want to type into a Google search bar will likely end up his screenname. “HowdoIchangethis” is the most probable screenname he will end up with. A close second is “asdfg” when he lays his hand on the keyboard unknowingly.


Bill O’Brien - Houston Texans

Head coach and general manager Bill O’Brien of the Houston Texans is known for his wheeling and dealing around the league. Just this offseason in fact, he traded away star wide receiver DeAndre Hopkins for a song and a dance. And then he acquired receiver Brandin Cooks from the Los Angeles Rams for more than he should’ve given up. He never shies away from a bad deal. But he also never shies away from… well a worse deal. Therefore “WhealinDealinBill02” perfectly encapsulates him as a general manager while also commemorating the inaugural 2002 season for the Texans.


John Lynch - San Francisco 49ers

John Lynch, general manager of the San Francisco 49ers, was also a notable player in his day. Playing the safety position and donning the number 47, he scoured the secondary waiting for receivers to come his way. What awaited those receivers were devastating hits.

As a general manager he has managed to make hits as well on draft day. He has made some absolute hits on previous late-round draft picks. So, whether his hits are on the field or in the draft room, “ItsAHit47” covers it all.

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