• Safa Shooshtry

The Armchair Quarterback Volume 49: Red and Cold Takes: Super Bowl Edition

Image Credit: Andrew Giesemann

We have finally made it to the week of Super Bowl LIV! And as fate would have it the San Francisco 49ers are back in it after a seven-year hiatus. They get a chance to play the Kansas City Chiefs and bring home their sixth Lombardi trophy. As fate would also have it, the week the 49ers are playing in their seventh Super Bowl in franchise history coincides with volume 49 of The Armchair Quarterback. It’s super, extra special with a cherry on top! So, without further ado I bring you Red and Cold Takes: The Super Bowl Edition!

Cold Take Number 1: “Travis Kelce is a Better Tight End Than George Kittle”

What was the highest PFF grade for a tight end ever?

It was 95.0 you’d know that if you were clever

It’s a grade that’s owned by Kittle not Kelce

And if you still think Travis is better then let’s see

Which tight end in 2019 was named first team All-Pro?

I’ll give you a clue, he plays for San Francisco

So now let me ask who’s the best tight end in the league

If you answered anything other than King George, please leave

Cold Take Number 2: “The Chiefs Will Blow out the 49ers in the Super Bowl”

Mike Freeman polled some NFL coaches and execs

And they all said something that didn’t make too much sense

They said the Chiefs will win in a blowout

So, you don’t think the 49ers defense will show out

Oh, there’s no defense for young Patrick?

Wait until you see a Nick Bosa sack-trick

It’s almost like no one watched the Niners at all this season

That’s how we like it though and we got one more W to squeeze in

Cold Take Number 3: “The 49ers Have Never Seen a Player Like Frank Clark Before”

Frank Clark thinks no one has seen a player like him before

But the 49ers actually have seen him many times more

Than other teams, because he used to play for the Seahawks

So, he can take his forgetful ass and go kick rocks

The Niners handled all four All-Pro edge rushers this season

And to think they won’t do the same to Clark, there’s no reason

Mr. Clark please try and at least attempt to be humble

Because the Niners’ o-line is coming at you ready to rumble!

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