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The Armchair Quarterback Volume 45: The Blame Game (A Screenplay)

January 3, 2020

   Image Credit: Andrew Giesemann

 

 

 

Int. Office - Night

 

 

There is a deafening silence as the camera fades into a dimly lit office. As the scene comes into focus the audience sees PETE CARROLL sitting behind a large desk. A knock is heard at the door.

 

PETE CARROLL

Come in!

 

A dejected man with curly hair walks into the office with his head down. As he looks up the audience can see that it is RUSSELL WILSON.

 

PETE CARROLL

Russell, how in the hell did you let this happen?

 

RUSSELL WILSON

Coach, I…I…

 

PETE CARROLL

Let’s start with the delay of game on the 1-yard line. Explain to me what happened there.

 

RUSSELL WILSON

I thought I heard you saying, “Schlack it, schlack it” and I had no idea what that meant and the play clock just kind of…expired.

 

PETE CARROLL

(shouting)

THAT WAS LITERALLY THE SOUND OF ME CHEWING GUM!

 

RUSSELL WILSON

Well, it was really loud and confusing. But, coach, I threw for 233 yards, two touchdowns, and no interceptions. That was good right?

 

PETE CARROLL

(annoyed)

Well Jimmy “Perfect Jawline” threw for 285 yards. You know how many years I’ve been chewing away at this one piece of gum to try and get a jawline like his?

 

RUSSELL WILSON

I don’t…

 

 

PETE CARROLL

(angrily)

More years than you’ve been alive!

 

RUSSELL WILSON

I mean - I don’t think it’s fair that I shoulder all the blame here. I mean, it’s a team game after all.

 

PETE CARROLL

(starting to turn red)

You say it’s a team game but every time I turn on ESPN it’s always, “Russell Wilson should be league MVP” or “Russell Wilson led his team to victory again.” Where is the credit for Pete Carroll? Huh? You tell me. Where is the credit for my schemes and my genius coaching?

 

RUSSELL WILSON

I mean you are a great coach; no one denies that.

 

PETE CARROLL

(getting progressively louder)

Then tell me why everyone is always talking about Kyle Shanahan and his genius. I WAS COACHING WHEN HE WAS STILL IN DIAPERS!

 

RUSSELL WILSON

Well, he’s a great coach too. Can’t you both be great coaches?

 

PETE CARROLL

(lowers his voice and lets out extreme frustration)

Get out of my sight. I have work to do. I have to game plan for Philly. Because JUST LIKE HOW YOU get extreme praise for all this team’s success, I will get ALL the blame if we lose.

 

RUSSELL WILSON

Well, I hope you feel better coach. I am going to go throw some balls for a few hours with Tyler at the practice facility, and then go volunteer my time at the local children’s hospital. See you at practice tomorrow.

 

PETE CARROLL

(under his breath)

I hate you so much.

 

RUSSELL WILSON exits. Fade to black

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