© 2017 - 49ers Hub

The Armchair Quarterback Volume 36: The Trade

September 27, 2019

  

 Image Credit: 

A dimly lit room comes into focus. A man is sitting at a desk with books by Bill Walsh strewn across it. His face is obscured. A shiny gold championship ring of some sort can be seen on his right hand, the words “Super Bowl XXXVII” can be seen on the ring. A nameplate at the front of the desk can also be seen reading “John Lynch.”He picks upthe phone on his desk rings and makes a call.

 

Lynch

Hello…David… No David… Please put Tom Coughlin on the phone. No, I know… I know you are the general manager, but I need to speak with someone who knows football.Thank you.

 

Coughlin

Who is this?

 

Lynch

Tom, it’s me John Lynch. Let’s make a deal.

 

Coughlin

Glad you called.Yes, Leonard Fournette is on the trade block and we want a first-round pick for him.

 

Lynch

No, Tom that’s not what we are trying to do.

 

Coughlin

Well, you are not getting him for any less.We spent a first-round pick to get him and DAGNABBIT WE ARE GETTING A FIRST ROUNDER IN RETURN FOR HIM!

 

Lynch

No, Tom, we are more than happy at running back.In fact, we really don’t even have room on our roster for another one.

 

Coughlin

Well then, what the hell did you call for?

 

Lynch

We want Jalen Ramsey.

 

Coughlin

No, no, no. Absolutely not. We are not giving up our best cornerback.

 

Lynch

Tom, we know Ramsey is unhappy with you guys and we are willing to take him off your hands before this situation turns into a media circus.

 

Coughlin

Okay, fine.A 2020 first-round pick and a 2021 first-round pick and we have a deal.

 

Lynch

Tom. Tom.Let’s not be ridiculous now. You and I both know I’m not giving you two first-round picks for Ramsey.

 

Coughlin

I want multiple first-round picks and that’s final!I want to restart and rebuild the team that I thought I had in 2017. And I’m not getting any younger. So, I need these ASAP!

 

Lynch

I understand that, but we really are not willing to give up multiple first-round picks. How about a 2020 first-round and a 2021 fifth-round pick? Can you work with that?

 

Coughlin

Lynch, I already told you what I want.

 

Lynch

Well, Tom,have you looked at our defensive line? We have a lot of depth there, lots of great players. Can we add one of those studs to a deal?

 

Coughlin

Ok, fine, I’ll settle for your 2020 first-round and second-round picks.

 

Lynch

Tom, we don’t even have our 2020 second-round pick we traded it to Kansas City to get Dee Ford. Are you even paying attention to anything around the league?

 

Coughlin

I WANT FIRST-ROUND PICKS AND I WANT THEM NOW!

 

Lynch

Please calm down, I’m sure we can figure something out.

 

Coughlin

NO MORE BARGANINING. CALL ME BACK WHEN YOU’RE READY TO OFFER ME WHAT I NEED!

 

*Click

 

Lynch

Hello?Hello?Tom? Well, it was worth a shot.

 

 

End Scene

You can follow Safa on Twitter here!

 

Stay tuned to 49ersHub for more great 49ers analysis!

  

Please reload