• Safa Shooshtry

The Armchair Quarterback Volume 25: Red and Cold Takes, The Trilogy


Image Credit: Andrew Giesemann

Offszn Takes

It’s that time again ladies and gentlemen. It’s time for Red and Cold Takes! This is the segment where we review the worst takes about the San Francisco 49ers from the past week or so and respond to them in a variety of ways. This week we bring you some more rap battle-esque bars for your viewing pleasure!

There’s been some words this past week that created a lot of buzzins

It’s Mike’s idea that the 49ers are still jonesin’ for Kirk Cousins

Mike doesn’t seem to think there’s any commitment to Jimmy

He thinks Kyle would just let the Vikings have a big ole’ gimme

Lately Kirk hasn’t shown quite what is needed

And last season winning teams left him defeated

Even with a slim roster Jimmy has shown that he can do a lot

And when he’s healthy his quarterback play really hits the spot

Jimmy get well soon so you can silence the critics

And opposing defenses can have front row seats to some quarterback clinics

From last year to now Adam went with a complete 180

From hipster playoff pick to hating on the Niners lately

He thinks the team will finish with a record of 3-13

Which means that all his better logic is really hurting

No regard or mention of the improved D-Line

Only yapping on about losses due to travel time

No full explanation of why he chose the regression

Just going on and on with his lame talking session

Being rushed is no excuse for not having your facts straight

So please sir next time take a breath before you regurgitate

There you have it folks! That was some bass for your face. Some boom for your room. And most importantly, some words for your herds!

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