The Armchair Quarterback Volume 16: Red and Cold Takes 1


Image Credit: Andrew Giesemann

Let’s face it, the internet is an amazing tool in our lives. It has made everything so much easier over the past few years. But it can also be a home for uninformed opinions and just flat out awful takes. Statements such as “The Earth is flat” and “Tyrion Lannister is not the best character on Game of Thrones” live on the internet. And people begin to read them so many times that they start to believe the ridiculousness!

Twitter is an especially notorious place for terrible takes. And the San Francisco 49ers organization is not immune to these terrible takes either. So, for this new segment we at the 49ersHub asked the Twitter-verse to contribute the absolute worst takes regarding the franchise that they had read. And we give you our newest segment, Red and Cold Takes! Here we will respond to these cold takes in a variety of ways. For our maiden voyage though we offer you a musical journey with some heavy hitting rap battle-esque bars. Enjoy!!

Before I get to the matter at hand about Kittle

Let me ask everyone a small little riddle

Who stand 6’5” weighs 249 but is just an oversized wide receiver?

His name is Zach Ertz so please don’t bring his name up in the best tight end convo either

Now let’s get to the worst end zone dancer in the league

Travis Kelce’s dance moves could make a whole stadium leave

He’s had Pro Bowl QBs throwing to him his whole career

If you can’t put up numbers with that, then please from the league disappear

Now that we’ve qualified his competition

Let’s get back to the Kittle mission

He had three unproven men throwing the ball to him all season

But he still managed to play with a purpose and reason

Against all odds he broke the single season tight end receiving mark

And don’t sleep on him because this is not the end but the point he embarks

And in 2019 the tight end jury gets the acquittal

So, all hail the king of tight ends George Kittle

If you think the 49ers should pass on Nick Bosa

You my friend would be defined as clinically loca

Bosa is a generational draft prospect

His pass rushing should garner the most respect

Other draft prospects pale in comparison

Talking bad on him is simply embarrassing

If he’s available at the number two spot

There’s no reason the 49ers should not shoot their shot

Nick Bosa is top on everyone’s draft radar

If you think otherwise, you’re just being a hater

If you were thinking Jimmy G. should get traded

You must be so damn faded

He’s not going to be going anywhere

That’s not even an issue that garners care

He still has not gotten a chance to truly prove himself

But once he does everyone will lose themselves

Everyone’s minds will be utterly blown

And your mama, will pick up the phone

To tell you that she’s seen the second coming of Joe Cool

And every doubter will look like a damn fool

And while we should slightly temper our expectations

Early January is not when the Niners are planning their vacations

Wrap up to the rap up

Well I hope that was an enjoyable and entertaining read. We at the 49ersHub plan to bring this segment back in the future with a possible new incarnation. Quatrains, haikus, and sonnets may be on the menu. But you’ll have to wait and stay tuned!

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