‘Twas the night before Christmas for 49ers fans;
The games had all ended and empty were stands;
The mock drafters were writing their pieces with care;
With the Faithful all knowing Myles Garrett won’t be there.
At the start of the day things were looking quite grim;
And as Week 16 ends our chances stay slim;
Hope almost returned as we nestle in bed;
But visions of the first pick danced out of our heads.
As early games kicked off, the first choice was Cleveland’s;
Yet against every odd, the crowd roared in Believeland!
From the bay to the beach, to those out-of-town;
We too leapt to our feet to cheer for the Browns.
So, the Niners lined up with the Rams as their foe;
Riding their failures and reaping their woe;
The Rams had the lead as we rounded the bend;
But failing at failing is how this story ends.
All that was needed was a Week 16 loss;
But two points were added as the goal-line was crossed;
Kap managed to scramble his way to a win;
Much to the draftnik’s Christmas chagrin.
As the Niners head off for a long offseason nap;
Free agency looms with that salary cap;
We’ll watch tape-after-tape for the next Joe Montana;
While Tim K. writes of PSLs and Jed’s new cabana.
We’ll shout out draft crushes without any shame;
Grade them all by position and call them by name:
“Garrett’s gone! Take Allen! Trade back up for Trubisky!
Or Kizer! Mike Williams! Just no one injury-risky!”
The 49ers limp home, their roster notably scarred;
And a 2-14 record seems to be in the cards;
Still, try to sleep well and dream of the firings;
Of Baalke, not York, thanks to all his conspiring.
While placed ‘neath the tree is a card from Coach Chip;
It says “I’m so sorry, there’s one more week of this shit;
I just couldn’t tank, though it’s in my control;
Merry Christmas to all faithful to red and gold.”